Monday, April 9, 2012

Sex is Sticky

Now before you shield your eyes or close your browser, this is not going to be rated X, I swear.

I was given a book a LONG time ago by a good friend. It's called Weird and it's written by Craig Groeschel. Basically, the purpose of this book is to let us know that in order to live our lives how God truly wants us to live, other people are going to think we're weird. Actually, they NEED to think that we're weird or we're trying to please the world.

I was doing really well reading this book, feeling really confident as I read through the sections on Time, Money, and Relationships. People already think I'm crazy because a majority of my time is devoted to prayer, going to church, and writing letters to six children that I've never met in person. People already think I'm crazy because I spend a crazy fraction of my paycheck on sponsoring these children. (Not to mention all the money I spend on sending them gifts). And people already think I'm weird because I've never had a boyfriend. I've honestly never met a guy who is as weird as I am. Somebody that would rather go to church every weekend than to the bars every weekend, somebody that understands that a large portion of my paycheck will always go to sponsoring children, somebody that loves God as much as I do and that will understand that God will always be first in my life.

However, when I got to the section on Sex, I got a little caught up. It probably goes without saying that since I've never had a boyfriend before, I've also never had sex before. I am 22 years old and I'm a virgin. Yes, it's true.

And for some reason, this has been bothering me lately. By lately I mean the last year or so, since my 22nd birthday.

It's mostly bothering me because I am the only person in my group of friends who has not had sex before. I'm not saying this in the way that a high schooler would say, "But everyone else is doing it!" as a way to get their parents to agree to something. I'm being serious. I am the only one in my group of friends that is a virgin. My friends are okay with it, but at the same time, they think I'm super weird. What kind of 20-something is a virgin? That's just weird!

They have convinced me that this is weird. On my 22nd birthday, my best friends and I made a plan that if I was still a virgin on my 23rd birthday, we would find somebody for me to have sex with just to "get it over with."

Romantic, right?

Well, now that I am just about two weeks away from my 23rd birthday, I think I got to this part of the book just in time. The author has a passage that really got to me. I've heard things similar to this over and over again in my life, but they have never seemed to "stick" quite like this one.

Groeschel says:

" To understand the true stickiness of sex, we need to go back to the beginning. God's plan for man and woman being together seems straightforward right from the start: "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife (Adam and Eve) were both naked, and they felt no shame." (Gen. 2:24-25).

When a man and his wife are united, they share in the covenant expression of lovemaking. In God's perfect plan, the virgin husband enters into the virgin wife. With his penetration, she sheds bloods. (As with all sacred convenants, blood is shed). A holy, righteous physical moment seals their spiritual convenant. They can be naked together with out being ashamed, joined in sexual union as two become one.

Sex joins two people spirtually and emotionally, as well as physically. This is its purpose - to bond a couple together. Sex connects and fuses people together. It's sticky. Similarly, if you're stuck to someone and you try to pull loose, it's going to hurt. You're both going to leave pieces of yourselves behind.

Imagine you took a length of really sticky tape, like duct tape or gorilla tape, and stuck it to your shirt. What if you pulled that off and stuck it to somebody else? What if you pulled it off again and stuck it someone else? What if you did this ten times? Twenty? A hundred? After a certain point, no matter how hard you try, you can't it to stick to anyone, because the tape is no longer sticky. You're left a bit of whatever-makes-tape-sticky with each person you encountered.

Of course, sex is more powerful that duct tape. When you become physically intimate with another person, it bonds you. It unites you. It's sticky. Then when you end that relationship and go to another person, you've lost some of your stickiness. The more you do it, the less special it becomes. The less you have left of your heart and soul and uniqueness to give to the next person. Over time and among many partners, you're not very sticky anymore. It's harder to bond. More difficult to unite. You can't maintain a relationship. The other person doesn't feel connected to you, and you don't feel connected to anyone. Teach your kids to hold on to their stickiness for the person to whom they want to be stuck to for the rest of their lives."

Wow...yeah...I think I'm going to wait until I'm married.

But, while I'm being honest with my thoughts of sex, I sure hope I get married someday!

Also, I've started this new thing where I'm going to start praying for my future husband everyday. I have no idea who he is, but I want God to watch over him and help lead us together.


  1. Yes, girl, please don't think about cheapening the beautiful gift God has given you (and the husband he has for you). There is so much truth in Groeschel's words about the stickiness. Just so you know, if you ever want encouragement or advice on this issue, email me.

    Oh, and people thing I'm weird all the time. I guess I should start taking this as a compliment? ;)

    1. Thanks for the encouragement! Who knows, maybe someday I'll be emailing you, haha. I think you're weird. Definitely take that as a compliment.

  2. I really like that duct tape analogy. And though you may be the only virgin of your group of friends that age, you aren't alone. I too have felt that struggle with friends, and heart broke when I learned the decision of some of my Christian friends.

    Stand tall stand strong, cuz I'm pretty weird too =)

    1. I guess I always new that I wasn't the only one in the world who is going/goes through this struggle, but it's easy to think you're alone when something's hard.

      Thanks for being weird!

  3. Join the club! It amazes me everyday how many of my friends do not choose to wait, just crazy. Yes, we are weird. Being normal is no fun and boring. Jesus wasn't normal, so neither should we. Just remember if it is in God's plan, He has some amazing man out there created specifically for you, and he is so worth waiting for. And I really like that duct tape analogy...

    1. I am happy to be in the same club as you, Sarah! It kind of amazes me that I was considering now waiting, just because I was feeling left out. Crazy. Thanks for being weird with me!

  4. I got your package today!! Thank you soooo much! I'm planning to post about it tomorrow-I took pictures! I've gotta find the cord for my computer that my memory card goes into. lol. This post was pretty legit. I have some friends who think I'm "repressed" or whatever when it comes to relationship-related stuff. But it's so cool to think about how God wants to protect our emotions when it comes to things like this. God wants the vulnerability of sexual actions to be protected by the vow of marriage. It's not about being repressed, it's about keeping it as sacred as He intended for it to be. Good thoughts!

  5. I'm so glad that you got my package today! I am excited for the great letters you will write to Apollinaire and your other kiddos.

    Repressed is a big word. I've never felt "repressed" when it comes to relationship type things until this past year. I think now that I have so many people around getting engaged and married, it was starting to get to me.

    Thanks for the encouragement!

  6. I can't tell people to WAIT enough. I did the deed earlier than I wanted because I felt pressured and ended up staying in that crappy relationship for nearly 3.5 years. I just felt so pressured. It wasn't romantic or special. It was just sucky. I wish so much that I had met Anthony earlier in life. I would've loved to have him as my first and last but you live and learn. Don't feel awkward. I think it's because of this age we're hitting. Our friends are getting married, having kids... I guess we feel like we should be too?

    Anyways! Do what is right for you. The perfect guy is worth waiting for, especially since it will have such a big meaning for you! :)

    1. I'm sorry you had such a rough relationship earlier in your life. 3.5 years is a long time to be in a bad relationship. Thanks for the encouragement. Will you still like me if a 40 year old virgin? Haha.

  7. Kayla,
    BEAUTIFULLY written, and so inspiring. Thank you for this gift of your heart, your spirit and Godly wisdom. You are being used, BIG TIME, girl. God is so good!

    1. Thank you so much for the comment, Sarah. You are a wonderful woman. I know we've never talked in person, but Rosie seems to like both of us, so maybe we should be friends too, haha.

      Also, I truly believe that God is working through my blog and I love seeing how many people it is reaching. Thanks for stopping by!

  8. I love the "picture" you've created with the Duck tape. I must say, I'm a little disappointed that there aren't any comments from men. I hope that there are Godly men at your Church or in your community. I too have waited for the right woman, but I don't find many "weird" ones around me. If I were a few decades younger...well, hang in there, and say Hi to Rosie. We went to college together.

    1. I cannot take credit for that picture. I simply looked up duct tape X on google and that's what I found.

      I have actually not found the right guy at my church, but I also have not been searching extremely hard. Maybe he really is there. God only knows.

      Thanks for the "hang in there."