There is a battle waging in my heart. It's been going on for a few weeks now.
God is telling me (urging and pushing me) to sponsor another child. He's told me the location that I should sponsor from. He has even led me to the perfect child. I can't stop looking at this little boy's picture. He lives in Albania and my heart feels like it's going to explode whenever I see him. God has convinced me that he will provide for me if I should take on this sponsorship.
It sounds pefect, doesn't it? I should just sponsor him!
Well, my mom is on the other side of this battle. I love my mom more than I could ever express. I have always been a generally obedient daughter. If I did disobey my mother, it would take me less a week to feel guilty and let her know what I had done. This time, my mom doesn't want me to sponsor another child. She is not against it, by any means. She just wants me to wait.
My mom is a very logical person, something I have not been blessed with. I am very emotional. I see a child in need, I get an idea in my head, and I just can't let it go.
My mom has good advice. She wants to make sure that I am financially able to sponsor another child without worrying about being able to pay rent, buy food, and pay off my student loans. My first college loan payment will go through on January 15th. My told me that if that first loan payment, I feel confident that I can handle another sponsored child, then she won't try to stop me. She's my mother, obviously she just wants to know that I'm safe and secure and able to pay for the things I need.
Clearly, I don't completely disagree. What's the point of helping a child escape hunger and poverty if I'm going to just sacrifice myself having a place to live and food to eat? That's not going to help anybody. I would eventually end of dropping the sponsorship anyway and nobody wants that.
At what point do I go with what God is calling me to do and disobey my mother? At what point do I ignore God and do what my mother wants me to do? I don't want to hurt either of them. However, I know that both people have unconditional love and will not dislike me for making either choice.
I think I should just wait until January 15th. I should continue to pray and to cry over this decision for the next month and a half.
Any advice?
Dearest Kayla,
ReplyDeleteHere's my advice, for what it's worth... I didn't sponsor a child for many months after I first heard about the program. I kept telling myself, "you can do it later, when you have more money, when you're more financially secure, when you will actually commit to writing letters, when you have a more stable job..." etc.... Maybe that's familiar to you, too.
And the advice of your very logical mother, I've definitely experienced that and I have to say, I think logical people can very much so speak wisdom into our lives.
Even so, at the end of the day, only you can make the decision for yourself. And if you choose to sponsor another child, you will probably never regret it. And if you choose to wait 'til the New Year, that's okay, too. Because it's your decision, and it's between you and God and nobody else.
No matter your decision, there is one thing I do know (from my own experiences) -- the Lord blesses each one of our decisions in different ways. And should you choose to sponsor another child now, He will bless it. And should you choose to wait, there will be blessing in that, too.
I'll be praying for you, new friend. Thanks for letting me read your beautiful thoughts.
One more thing... would you be interested in allowing me to add this post to our featured posts section on the World Vision blog here: http://blog.worldvision.org/forbloggers/ // Feel free to tweet me @WorldVisionUSA or @LindseyTalerico and let me know. Thanks, Kayla!
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