There is a battle waging in my heart. It's been going on for a few weeks now.
God is telling me (urging and pushing me) to sponsor another child. He's told me the location that I should sponsor from. He has even led me to the perfect child. I can't stop looking at this little boy's picture. He lives in Albania and my heart feels like it's going to explode whenever I see him. God has convinced me that he will provide for me if I should take on this sponsorship.
It sounds pefect, doesn't it? I should just sponsor him!
Well, my mom is on the other side of this battle. I love my mom more than I could ever express. I have always been a generally obedient daughter. If I did disobey my mother, it would take me less a week to feel guilty and let her know what I had done. This time, my mom doesn't want me to sponsor another child. She is not against it, by any means. She just wants me to wait.
My mom is a very logical person, something I have not been blessed with. I am very emotional. I see a child in need, I get an idea in my head, and I just can't let it go.
My mom has good advice. She wants to make sure that I am financially able to sponsor another child without worrying about being able to pay rent, buy food, and pay off my student loans. My first college loan payment will go through on January 15th. My told me that if that first loan payment, I feel confident that I can handle another sponsored child, then she won't try to stop me. She's my mother, obviously she just wants to know that I'm safe and secure and able to pay for the things I need.
Clearly, I don't completely disagree. What's the point of helping a child escape hunger and poverty if I'm going to just sacrifice myself having a place to live and food to eat? That's not going to help anybody. I would eventually end of dropping the sponsorship anyway and nobody wants that.
At what point do I go with what God is calling me to do and disobey my mother? At what point do I ignore God and do what my mother wants me to do? I don't want to hurt either of them. However, I know that both people have unconditional love and will not dislike me for making either choice.
I think I should just wait until January 15th. I should continue to pray and to cry over this decision for the next month and a half.