Six Word Saturday

Wondering why the mail is late...


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Junk mail is so super lame 

I Did Research For This Entry (So You Better Read It) (Just Kidding) (Please Still Read It)

On March 23rd, I sponsored a beautiful, blue-eyed, 12 year old boy, a boy who has been waiting literally years for a sponsor. My heart felt that tug that I've only felt two other times in my life, that so very familiar tug though, that I only feel when I'm meant to sponsor a child. And just like the previous two times, trying to fight that feeling was difficult, actually painful. I don't know why I try to ignore that tug. I know it's literally God pulling on my heart, telling me that this is something I am meant to do.

On March 24th, the doubt kicked in. I've been feeling like I just can't do what God is calling me to do. I've been doubting that God will actually provide for this boy. Doesn't God know that I have $400 worth of student loans to pay each month? Doesn't God know that I have $500 of rent to pay each month? Doesn't God know that that I have $150 car payment each month? Doesn't God know that gas prices are over $4 a gallon? Doesn't God know that I like to eat food on occasion? Doesn't God know that I already sponsor two children, the 2nd one I didn't think was going to be possible? Doesn't God know that I am just not that strong of a person? Doesn't God know how scared I am? Does God even care?

I've been struggling, guys.

I've been doubting myself and God so much actually that yesterday I wrote a blog entry about doubt, and then I deleted it because I was doubting it.

Whew! I've been a mess, ya'll (in honor of my Texas friends)

Anyway, tonight I've been praying and reading the bible and LISTENING and God told me that, "Yes, I do understand that you have all of these things to pay each month. And yes, I do care, and I love you, and I will provide for you. I don't want you to be scared. I won't lead you astray."

God has been leading me back to one of my favorite bible verses: Pslam 37:4. I took this bible verse and looked it up in a couple translations to see what I could find. Here we go:

NIV - "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."

The Message - "Get insurance with God and do a good deed. Settle down and stick to your last."

Amplified Bible - "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart"

Easy-To-Read Version (I didn't even know this existed) - "Enjoy serving the Lord, and he will give you whatever you ask for."


My heart desires a lot, you guys, it really does. I was telling my friend yesterday that on any given day I probably have at least 5-10 dreams floating around in there. What I've gathered from this research and praying is that whatever my heart is truly desiring comes directly from God. God puts dreams and wishes and desires in my heart so that I will follow him to accomplish these dreams. When I saw Florenc's picture on the World Vision website, I felt that feeling that I've felt twice before. I'm going to try to put it into words. My heart literally beats faster than I've ever felt it beat before. It feels like it drops into my stomach and jumps into my throat at the same time. It feels like it's swelling with love and may just burst right out of my chest. Then, all of these things hit me and I just start crying.

That's happened three times in my life. And I survived it.

How can a feeling like that not be from God? How can I not trust that?

Okay, now that we've got the trust part covered, in walks the money issue. Yes, my heart really does desire to sponsor hundreds of children. While this will probably not happen, I want my heart to be open to whatever God wants me to do. God then lead me to this verse: Pslam 37:16.

NIV - "Better the little the righteous have than the wealth of many wicked"

The Message - "Less is more and more is less. One righteous will outclass fifty wicked. For the wicked are moral weaklings, but the righteous are God-strong."

Amplified Bible - "Better is the little that the uncomprimisingly righteous have than the abundance of possessions of many who are wrong and wicked."

So, in conclusion, I will not have very many material things. Which really isn't the truth. I have an apartment, a bed, a comfy couch, running water, electricity, air conditioning, heat, cable, and really fast internet.

I will not own the latest technology. I will not cook five star, three course meals for myself everyday. I will not see movies every weekend. I will not have new clothes. I will not own a new car.

And that's okay.

Because I will have grace, love, hope, mercy, compassion, provision, forgiveness, assurance, and confidence. I will also have three wonderful boys that love me and and write to me who I can love back with my whole heart.

I'm excited for what God is going to show me next. I wish I could say I won't doubt again, but it'll just be another opportunity for me to seek God.

Amen.

First Glance into Florenc's World

I got Florenc's packet in the mail today. These packets don't really have too much information about your sponsored children, but anything is better than nothing before that first letter.

Name: Florenc

Age: 12

Birthday: July 6th, 1999

Guardians: Mother and Father

Siblings: 1 Brother

Grade in School: 7th Grade

Favorite Subject: National Language/Albanian

Favorite Activity: Soccer

Job at Home: Doing Housework

Recent Accomplishments in his Community:

- Educated mothers in children's nutritional requirements and meal planning, enabling them to better care for their children.

- Held a memorial for victims of HIV and AIDS to raise awareness of the disease and raise stigma.

- Strengthed the quality of education by training teachers in child-centered, inclusive approaches

- Trained teachers in positive discipline  techniques, improving their ability to handle challenging situations in the classroom.

- Helped children plan and organize educational activities and outings.

- Advocated for the children's rights to an education regardless of gender, ability, or social status. 

Touching Thursday: The 5 Year Old Edition

This week, it just turned out that all three of the kiddos that I'm praying for are five years old. Kind of odd, I think.

Last week's Touching Thursday didn't go too well, so if you don't feel your heart being tugged on for one of the kids below, click here and maybe one of those lovely children are meant to be yours.

Yamini has found a sponsor! I hope they enjoy her. I bet she is a wonderful princess.

4-21-12. Jorge has a sponsor! I've been praying for this kiddo for a long time. It's nice to see him sponsored.

Ahhhh! Apollinaire has a sponsor! This is the best reaction to my blog I've ever gotten. Mary Faith over there on this blog sponsored him. We talked about it tonight and we prayed "together" and God has made it possible. I'm so happy for her!

I Love Xhuliano

Oh my goodness. I was absolutely shocked today when I saw a letter from Xhuliano in my mailbox. It's only been two weeks since I last heard from him.

I started sponsoring Xhuliano at the end of November. His birthday was shortly after that in December. At the end of December, I sent him some packages of some things as a late birthday present. It seems that he got them! Here's his letter:

Dear my friend Kayla,

I was very happy when I received your gifts. Not only me, but my family too. Stelina is 9 years old and Marsela will be 2 years old soon (April 5th). I want to say thank you to your friend Rosie for always thinking about me. I want to know when your birthday is, so I can send my wishes to you. I like playing football. My best friend is Klevi. I always receive your letters and your presents in time. I liked even the pictures you had sent, especially the one that was made near the sea. It looks exactly like our seaside. I also liked the notebook, the football, the pump, the gloves, the comb, the stickers, the whistle, and the pictures you sent to me. Here, football is the favorite sport and my favorite team is Flamurtari. I am in the fifth grade. I hope you and your family are good. Thank you so much, my friend.

Xhuliano

I told him that my friend Rosie is helping me to support him. What a loving boy!

I've only been sponsoring Xhuliano for four months and I've already received five letters from him. I love sponsoring in a recipricol letter country!

Oh my goodness, sometimes my heart just cannot handle all of this love and adorableness.

Monday Mail Update

Again, these posts are more for my benefit than anyone elses. It's just to remind me the last time I received a letter from each of my sponsored children so I can basically tell myself to be more patient in waiting for the next to arrive.

Abu-Bakarr - I received three lovely letters from him on March 12th. I know that means I will probably not be seeing another round of letters from him until mid summer.

Eric - I received his intro letter on January 29th. I would love to get something else from him soon!

Kalpesh - I received his intro letter on February 8th. I would also like to get a response letter of some sort from him soon.

Meena - I received a letter from her on March 10th. Her letters seem to be coming every two months or so. May seems really far away.

Xhuliano - I received two letters from him on March 12th. I know Albanian letters are reciprocel and are set in bulk mailings. Maybe I'll hear something from him in Apirl. That would be great.

Florenc - My newest kiddo. I can't wait to receive his first letter. I know that it took about three months to receive Xhuliano's first letter, so I'm hoping to receive this letter sometime around May or June.

Sunday Praise

I realize that I don't do Sunday Praise posts very often. Basically, it's because they all come out looking so similar, because there are things in my life I'm just so freaking thankful for that I don't even have words to describe them. So, in conclusion, today will be be a bunch of pictures.

I Sponsored Another Child!

The other day I was looking through the World Vision page at the Albania boys, just praying over them. I came across this beautiful blue eyed boy. Florenc, a 12 year old.

These last few days I've been praying about him. I couldn't help but feel like he was meant to be mine, even though I hardly thought it was possible to sponsor him.

To go back a little bit, I never did mention this you guys. I was praying a week or so ago, and God pretty much told me that this was not the right time of my life to be going on my church's mission trip to the Philippines. I was absolutely disappointed. But, God put it on my heart that my time, money, and energy were going to be used elsewhere in my life. I accepted it and I figured I would be waiting awhile to find out what God had planned.

Nope. It took a week. He put this boy on my heart and took off with the idea.

Just now, during my lunch break, God put it on my heart to write out my budget on a piece of paper. I did. I turns out that I would be able to sponsor another child. There won't be much money leftover each month, but hey, you can't take it with you when you die, right?

So without further ado: here is my beautiful new child:

Fathers: Heavenly and Otherwise

I've been trying to write this blog since Monday night. I've been trying to sort out the words in my heart and my mind. I still don't know if I have it figured it, but it's something I feel the need to share.

This blog entry will be extremely uncomfortable for me. I'm going to try my very hardest to not delete it after I've written it out of fear that people will get to know details into my "real life." But, I have to post it so people will realize just how amazing God truly is and just how perfectly he can combine all of the details in life.

Last week, I began working on Father's Day themed letters to mail to my sponsored children. I'm hoping to have these completed and sent out by April. I started them so early because I knew that these letters would be hard for me to write. Two of my sponsored children don't their fathers in their lives. I started to write a letter to these two boys about how important it is to have a father figure in their lives. I was telling them that God is their father in every way they could ever need. However, I wanted to stress to them the idea of how important it is to have a male role model in their lives that they can talk to about life, go to when they have problems, and to learn how be responsible and compassionate fathers in the future.

My letter writing came to a dead stop. I was finding it nearly impossible to write these things down simply because I have not had that positive male role model in my life for a very, very long time. Without shoveling out every detail of my past to you, I do want to share some things with you all. Basically, since age 11, I've lived through abusive situations with both my father and my stepdad. Emotionally, verbally, and physically. From age 11 to age age 15, when girls are looking to their fathers to help them through boy issues, dating, and peer pressure, I had nothing. At age 15, I stopped seeing my father and my stepdad went to prison. So, while I'd like to say that things were better then, my troubles were just beginning. I still had no father figures and the damage got worse in my heart.

I dropped the pen and paper and I just prayed. I was praying for what God wanted me to say to these two young men. I must have been praying for the wrong thing because God said (I could have swore somebody in my apartment said it aloud) "Ask Chris to be your father figure!". So, Chris is one of my favorite people's (Rosie's) husband. I had just spent a wonderful weekend with them and their two children.

This idea that God was throwing at me seemed so crazy! Sharing my past, my pain, my hurts, and then asking something like this of a man seemed crazy! Men are kind of scary! So, being the weak and untrusting human that I am, I didn't do it. On Sunday night, I sent a facebook message to my friend Rosie, asking her what Chris would think of me if I did this. She answered me on Monday morining that she thought it was a great idea and that they both already loved me.

My mood went from nervous to downright terrified and panicky. I didn't want to do it.

But, on Monday night, I sent Chris a message and filled him on what I was thinking, how I was feeling, and what I thought God was calling me to do. I was planning on going to bed and having a horrible night sleep while I pondered his answer. Satan was doing a wonderful job convincing me that Chris would think I was psycho, shoot down the whole plan, and then vow to never let me near his family again. (I know it's crazy, but this is seriously what was going through my head.)

Not even 10 minutes after I had sent the message, Chris had responded. I hope he doesn't mind me sharing his entire message in the blogosphere. I'm mainly quoting it exactly because I never want to lose what was said to me. He said:

"Absolutely and without any reservations I am honored to be that and you have blessed me with your words. Thank you! I will consider it a privilege to be there for you in any capacity that you want, need, or God leads us to. I felt very comfortable with you and we had such a great time having you with us. So the answer is absolutely...YES! I am honored and will feel it as God's blessing to be there for you. God wants us to love and to care for each other as Christ modeled this for us. The only thing you need to know is that I am very imperfect but I try to be more Christ-like everyday. I am here for you anytime. God's blessing and peace to you always!!!! PS- not weird at all I am just both humbled and honored by this message. Thank you!"

Short and to the point. (Especially after I had sent him almost two Microsoft Word pages of rambling semi-conscious thought. Poor guy, he actually read it all!

My world instantly turned upside down. It actually felt like the piece of my heart that had been aching for so many years was now full of something else. I'm still not exactly sure what it is. Hope? Love? Peace? All of the above?

That night, I wrote two perfect (in my opinion) letters to my boys without fathers.

God is good. All the time. Even when life seems to suck.

Touching Thursday: The Early Edition

It's only 9:00 p.m on Wednesday night, but I just didn't want to wait even three more hours to post this. These kids have been on my mind so much lately that I really wanted to post now. Here we go!

Carlos is no longer waiting for a sponsor! Praise God!

After waiting 182 days for a sponsor, sweet Christian's wait has come to an end. I'm so happy! I wish him well in his new life.

Praise God! I've been praying for this girl since I posted this entry. It is now April 2nd, and Karina has been sponsored! Yay!